Broccoli
From The Holy Church of Bacon
Broccoli, also known as the Anti-Bacon, is a plant in the cabbage family that is well known for its deadliness along with the famous myth that it is actually good for you. Don't be fooled. This plant is dangerous, and will try to lead you away from the path of Baconism.
Groups
Most recently, covert spies have discovered a budding sect that is opposing the all that is holy and bacon: The Broccoli Liberation Front.
They can be identified by the following features:
- A sickly green look
- Forsaking Bacon for vegetables
- Eating Broccoli
In October 2008 it was announced by the Global Bacon Council that The Holy Church of Broccoli has been officially founded in Mississippi, USA. This cult has gained power mainly through subverting law abiding, bacon-eating children and there are clear links to the Broccoli Liberation Front which is the terrorist arm of the Holy Church of Broccoli. Naive bacon eaters are lured towards broccoli with the promise of introducing them to unknown complimentary foods to bacon. Such foods are typically labelled as 'organic', and there is currently an awareness campaign for baconists to raise the issue of children being torn away from the Holy Path of Bacon. These promises of new, bacon-friendly foods are eventually unfulfilled but by then, many youngsters will already be hooked on anti-baconic broccoli.
Bacon scientists have discovered that it only takes a few portions of broccoli to completely erase any traces of bacon within a human subject and, once baconless, the victims mental health begins to deteriorate. Extreme cases have involved victims denouncing bacon as unhealthy. Such research is, of course, very difficult as testing anti-baconic substances on humans would be a clear violation of human rights. Most research efforts are done on subjects who have been rescued from broccoli camps by their families and brought back into the Holy Church of Bacon. Recovery from such traumatic poisoning can takes years of bacon-related therapy to overcome.
We must fight this war head on my brothers and sisters. We must fight.
